malijuanastyles:

Stop making people feel bad for liking things that make them happy

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 151,030 notes via/source

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done
reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 183,119 notes via/source

rawr0609:

garfeildlogan:

this thing w ferguson is making me wonder how many of the historical riots that happened in the 20th century they teach you about in school were actually ‘riots’ ??

I’m scared that in 40 years, I’m gonna have to tell my child what really happened because their textbooks will be full of lies

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 6,978 notes via/source

essayofthoughts:

indigoumbrella:

essayofthoughts:

indigoumbrella:

huffpostarts:

In The Not So Distant Future, Glow-In-The-Dark Trees Could Replace Street Lights

Is that… is that even healthy?

There are sea organisms and fungi which glow in the dark and there’s fireflies and jellyfish which glow in the dark. It doesn’t do them any harm nor does it do the people around them any harm. I would say its pretty healthy, as well as it would mean more photosynthesis happening in cities which mean cleaner air.

I was just curious about how they were doing it and for some reason I didn’t think to click the link. But thanks! It makes more sense now. I was afraid it was some kind of chemical thing.

nah just genetic modification using existing bioluminescent genes. Genetics is really cool, and so is bioluminescence. I mean they’ve already made pigs glow using jellyfish genes and pigs are waaay more complicated than trees iirc. So they’re actually (i think) less likely to muck it up with trees.

In which case

GLOWY

FORESTS

GLOWY

TREES

GLOWY

EVERYTHING

(I like glowy things)

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 31,483 notes via/source

white-people-be-like:

When will they learn

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 34,588 notes via/source
so-adorabloodthirsty:

Let me read you a story passed down through the ages..

so-adorabloodthirsty:

Let me read you a story passed down through the ages..

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 9,257 notes via/source

marthemacabre:

reckless-emotions:

gaylucifer:

Sometimes I forget that people on the Internet are actually real people. Like the guy scanning your bananas at Walmart could be the guy who sends you anon hate.

damn you banana man

WHERE’s the banana guy?….

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 248,672 notes via/source
marthemacabre:

heithel:

fannibleh:

uobyugit:

not my family bitch

why am i crying

“Stay away of my territory”

THERE’S THE BANANA GUY

marthemacabre:

heithel:

fannibleh:

uobyugit:

not my family bitch

why am i crying

“Stay away of my territory”

THERE’S THE BANANA GUY

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 305,167 notes via/source
lancecharleson:

joeywaggoner:

squigglydigg:

smokingladiesman submitted:

Disney’s tribute to Robin Williams at the end of Aladdin. 

That’s… actually really beautiful.  Well done, Disney.

I actually watched Aladdin on Disney Channel a few days ago and not only did they show this image at the end of the film but they showed the entire movie completely commercial free. That’s how much they appreciated him.
Well done Disney, well done.

Now that’s some grade A respect from Disney right there.

lancecharleson:

joeywaggoner:

squigglydigg:

 submitted:

Disney’s tribute to Robin Williams at the end of Aladdin. 

That’s… actually really beautiful.  Well done, Disney.

I actually watched Aladdin on Disney Channel a few days ago and not only did they show this image at the end of the film but they showed the entire movie completely commercial free. That’s how much they appreciated him.

Well done Disney, well done.

Now that’s some grade A respect from Disney right there.

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 46,193 notes via/source
alloutorg:

Tumblr, we need you! A rogue Arizona State representative, John Kavanagh, wants to pass a bill that would thow trans people in jail for using public restrooms. Anyone could be asked for I.D. to “prove” their gender, and if there’s a discrepancy they could face a fine or jailtime.
When asked why the bill targeted trans people, Kavanagh explained that it’s because he thinks “they’re weird.” Outrageous.
We can stop this bill by taking action at www.allout.org/arizona and spreading the word far and wide. Will you help?

alloutorg:

Tumblr, we need you! A rogue Arizona State representative, John Kavanagh, wants to pass a bill that would thow trans people in jail for using public restrooms. Anyone could be asked for I.D. to “prove” their gender, and if there’s a discrepancy they could face a fine or jailtime.

When asked why the bill targeted trans people, Kavanagh explained that it’s because he thinks “they’re weird.” Outrageous.

We can stop this bill by taking action at www.allout.org/arizona and spreading the word far and wide. Will you help?

reblogged 3 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 56,995 notes via/source
equier:

nose kisses u//o//u

equier:

nose kisses u//o//u

reblogged 3 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 1,685 notes via/source

near-quaad:

do u ever go to unfollow someone but then u see some rly good posts and u just kind of 

image

you can stay

image

for now

reblogged 3 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 306,089 notes via/source
reblogged 4 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 95,980 notes via/source

welcome-to-sunnydale:

nayomiejade:

voldemo:

I dont understand why, for a girl to be considered badass and strong in movies and books, she has to be tomboyish, not wear makeup and not like girly things?

Girls should be allowed to put on lipstick and flowery dresses then conquer the world by crushing the necks of their enemies under their 6 inch heels

Y’all need Buffy.

image

reblogged 4 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 43,832 notes via/source
reblogged 4 hours ago @ 20 Aug 2014 with 232,592 notes via/source